"You mean, Bapak, the operation on my womb?" I asked again. "Yes," he answered steadily. To be honest, this was a bit of a the let -dow. In my heart of hearts, I had dreamed of a day. When my summonsing by the authorities would provoke debates in the newspaper and be gossiped about until it had been ground my rumour and talk into a powdery piece of history, completely formless. I imagined my bleeding torture wounds, which would serve as trophies to prove to people that i had struggled for something, and to move them. And now they were asking m e about a rotten womb! The womb that had fated me to never again speak of my self with pride as a woman.

"Actually, I don.'know what to say ..." eventually I admitted disappointment. I understand bacause it is only now that we ask you of it, and not before, when you had just been released from hospital," interrupted the man sharply. "I was operated on because my womb had grown a tumor. It was a straight- forward medical matter. How strange it is that you Bapak, should be interested in such a matter." I attempted a calm tone to explain something that didn't need to be explained. The more I clarified it, the more I felt disappointed.

The man only smile. A cicak barked its high-pitched bark. Enough of that. Let's just do as I said. Let's work together. We all know what is needen here. I am sure you understand exactly what we have to know, saudari. To be frank, we've been doing this since 1971. I don't understand. The removal of my womb caused me great sadness." I tried not to tremble, but my tongue tripped me up, betraying me. Sadness? You mean you were forced to do it?" asked that man. "Of course! I never would have done it if I didn't have to, pak!" What kind of woman would have her womb removed unnecessarily?

"Who forced you?'' "What do you mean, Bapak ?" "Who forced you to undertake the operation?" "No-one forced me, pak!" "You just said, saudari, that you were forced. Tell me who forced you?" The man wrinkled his forehed. His shiny face beamed. I was cornered. He was a quick thinker. What did this man want? As the clock ticked, I thought aboute the windows in my room that had been left unlocked, and the rice that was waiting to be warmed. My own thoughts were making me nauseous. Why did the man want to know about my womb?

"We have studied the indicators and we have collected the facts, and they all point to one thing. You must know that the Womb Removal Movement is a threat to stability. It has become part of political movement engineered by foreign forces! That's why we are asking for your help, so we can get to the bottom of who is behind all this."

It reminded me of a friend who had demonstrated in protest of the rising price of milk. So too had her simple and straight-for-ward demends been suspected as a front for some kind of subversive movement. Why was similarly suspected? What did my cancerous womb have to do with the rising price of milk ? Could a normal life-saving operation threaten stability as much as the stockpiling of basic goods ? Was the cancer in my womb thought to have orchestrated subversion?

I applied my self to guessing what was foremost in this man's mind. What were his obsessions an d preoccupation? Was it serving and saving the state or was it merely frustration at his meager wage? What if , I cheekily ventured, he really did fear a movement for the stockpiling of wombs, where women kept their wombs in a warehouse, boycotted all sperm, and refused to fall pregnant. If this movement really really did exist, I could understand why my womb operation was under suspicion. But... "We have detected a group who want women rid of their wombs, to cancel out the possibility of generation. We have been colecting information to study this phenomenon for years now, and now that it has been processed and analyzed, we understand their argument as this : better to get rid of you womb than to bring a child into a neglectful, uncaring world. You knew that did'nt you, Saudari?" The man spoke with zeal, and tiny bubbles spattered from his black mouth.

Let's just pretend that this was also why I had my womb removed. How incredible that would be! Every women removes her womb. Boom!No new generation. Every one just gets old and dies. Bam! No more grumbling about the nine basic foodstuff, no more arguing over this or hat, because life would be over with! It was possible of course that these men had been baited by the mere rumour of a movement for womb removal and had, as if it really was political threat, pouced upon it with the well-worn inetrrogation :"Who is manipulating you" They really did have lurid imaginations.

My thoughts returned to the room, and I faced the man again and tried to speak as clearly and calmly as possible. "Honestly, Bapak, my womb was removed because a tumor was growing in it . It was a matter of my health and well being. I dont understand why you are putting these questions to me. It was just a normal medical procedure."