" Ehm, 'evening." The response was cold. Jero Kendelan reclined her head respectfully.

"Do we have a lot of work to do, Ratu?"

"An enormous amount. Haven't you yet memorised when tilem, purnama and the odalans are? The petoyan at Merajan is only a few months away. You ought to know all this by now!" The woman's eyes were sharp, staring at her with such intensity that it sucked out all the strength Jero Kendelan possessed.

She had to struggle over everything. She had to patiently accept everything. Isn't it true that fire is never extinguished with fire? Jero Kendelan nodded again. A flush decorated her pale cheeks. No. She could not allow herself that feeling. She did not hate her sister-in-law. No. A curse, that's what had been fused into her very being.

A few minutes later, her curved hands with their long fingers worked away busily stitching the sampian from the coconut fronds already cut by Biang Rai. Biang Rai was her sister-in-law. She was always looking past her, always looking at her as without ability, as if she hadn't possessed any skills before entering the world of the Gria Gede. One year had felt like ten. Was it any wonder she bemoaned her fate, regretting everything that had happened, everything that had led her to this point? Jero Kendelan inhaled deeply. She filled her lungs with the cold, delicious night air. Suddenly, she felt free. She felt liberated as if she possessed her very own world.

Her thoughts drifted off. She remembered the words of her mother, a middle-aged woman who had taught her the meaning of life, the struggle of life. A thin, translucent ray of light hung suspended from her eyelid.

"Meme will be so happy if you become a wife in the Gria. It's like a dream. I can't say anything more. You know Meme's situation. You know Meme came from the Gria. Meme lived there, grew up there, became a young woman there. When Meme became a young woman, Meme had her menek kelih there. Royal mother and royal father loved Meme very much. They gave Meme the courage to face this life. They celebrated my tooth filing on a grand scale. Meme felt Meme had truly become a princess even though Meme knew Meme was the only one to carry on the family line. It was planned for Meme to marry a nobleman from the Gria.

It seemed like only yesterday that she had faced her mother listening to her tell her life story. Her courage to struggle. Her courage to challenge the traditions which bound her feet.

"It's true Meme was bad and Meme don't want you to repeat what I did. I want and I always pray at the family temple that you will be able to return to your origins. I believe in kharmapala. I am certain of it. Each tilem, purnama and rerainan when I bring canang to the sanggah I slip in my wish for you. I want you to become a wife in the Gria. When I knew of your close relationship with Tugus Mahendra I prayed and went to the sanggah more often. I made my happiness known and gave thanks to all the ancestors in the sanggah. I dearly love you; you are all I have. Only you will continue our line and you will be the one to determine whether my life will be black or white in the future. "

"Meme certainly likes to talk about peculiar things!"

"Because Meme knows my only child is beautiful. My child has the face of one from the nobility. You are not inferior to a Dayu from the Gria."

"Meme!"

"I mean it. Since Papa left I've lost my grip. I know this is my own doing. I've tried to rise up by selling jaja uli cakes . I'm lucky Hyang Widhi still put aside a little goodness for me."

Remembering the flood of words from her mother always made Jero Kendelan try harder. She must adjust, she must keep going. And she had absolutely no idea how she might put an end to this pressure which always made her step hesitantly. Regret surfaced. It was strange. Each time she experienced regret, it was her mother's face that lay before her. Determined and hard. Following her every move. Her mother always appeared in the midst of her faltering steps. Each time regret surfaced, her mother's words would strike her, sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes in her dreams. Jero Kendelan took a deep breath. This time, she felt weighted down.

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